I am without a doubt the most insecure person I know. I question everything I do. I question everything anyone does for me. Why did they do that, what are their motives, what do they want from me? Is it a trick? I even question this when it comes from someone I know would never do this. I have no idea why I do this. I also am one of those people who think everything is about them. If you look my direction when talking, I think your talking about me. And of course it couldn't be anything good you are saying. And even when I know people are joking I take it seriously even if I am laughing later it drives me crazy because I believe it. And go to great lengths to change something about myself that probably doesn't even exist. I am a very high maintenance friend you have really love me to be my friend. And that's usually the way it is. You either love me or hate me there is no in between with me. One thing about me is I am honest about myself though I will tell you I am a bitch and having a bad day, Don't feel like having company or talking on the phone. Sometimes I go for days without answering my phone. Can go weeks without seeing other people but then on the hand I am very social and get moody when I don't see people. Some of my friends and family have picked up on this and will demand that I get out of the house. These are the ones that LOVE me.
I don't have a lot of in-betweens I am usually all or nothing. That's my biggest problem, I don't know how to do something just a little bit. I can't love a little, drink, a little smoke a little, eat a little, and I don't just like things I love things or I don't.
And when I am done loving something I am done with it. It is over have no need for it anymore. Don't want it or them in my life ever again. I have never been good at someone in and out of your life game. ( I am talking romantic love here not friendship love.) When it's over please go away and don't come back. Because if it's over for you and not me I will learn to hate you for it and that is the only thing I truly hate is the feeling of hatred in my heart. It is like disease, it will eat you alive, spit you back out and then eat you again. Best not to have at all. I think I am done now that pretty much ruined my mood just thinking about hate.