Kristen and Barry Lynn

Kristen and Barry Lynn
They are my sun, my moon, my stars...

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The day it all began...

   The day we got the diagnosis was no surprise. I already knew, my sister had been telling me for months. I knew it I just didn't want to know it. I guess that's why I wanted to believe his pediatrician when he kept telling me Barry Lynn was fine. He didn't have a clue. But even without my sister telling me I knew something was wrong. I knew he wasn't developing normally. but the actual diagnosis makes it all official like you can't take it back. But even though they tried to sugar coat it by giving the diagnosis of PDDNOS with Autistic traits and I was halfway trying to convince myself somehow this was  somehow not as bad I knew. I called my sister and told her, she said Amber it's the same thing he still has Autism no matter what they call it. I was still in shock. I guess you can lie to yourself long enough to convince yourself that things are not as they really seem. Then I was devastated. I cried harder than I think I have ever cried before or since. Not for myself, well yes for myself for my son for my husband and for my daughter. because I knew this would change all of our lives drastically and forever.
     It is like a grieving process you go through I think first it's shock,  sorrow, anger, confusion, the feeling of helplessness, and last but not least guilt. And this doesn't ever end I don't think, at least it hasn't for me. Which is one of the reasons for this Blog. I guess I am just trying to find a way to express my feeling and to share our journey...mine and Barry Lynns.
     There many days of laughter and many days of tears ahead...

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